It's too much.

Back from town and haji. Today isn't a pleasant day for me... Seeing so much today has left me speechless upset disappointed sad dumbfounded. What's next? I hope you are satisfied now. I give up, i'm exhausted.

Will things would be better this way for us? I don't know how to face you anymore, deep down i know things will never be the same again. I'm tired of everything between us. I tried changing myself so much for you months ago, i tried to be the best i can for you. I put myself at your beck-and-call, i put you first in everything, because you meant that much to me. When you wanted me, i was there. To meet you i cancel wtv appointments i have but have you ever appreciated it? Have you ever appreciated those little things i do for you? But you? Only when it suited you. I hide what i think from you, i hide my emotions and i do whatever i can for you to be happy. Even if it wasn't something i want to do i'd just force myself to do it for you to be happy. Even if i was angry or sad i'd keep it all inside me. I put your happiness before everything. I sacrifice anything and everything for you. Even when I feel insecure when i just need you to give me just some reassurance and convincings I have been trying so hard to keep it to myself. But just to remind you i'm a girl, if you think you'd por me like a cb yesterday and the days b4, find another girl. Just find another girl who doesn't have insecurities, who doesn't need a guy to constantly make her feel like she's loved. Some one who doesn't cries over spilt milk and forgets what happened the next day. I can't forget what you did to me and the pain of you walking away. I need time i need your reassurance i need you to be patient with me. I'm sorry i can't be the one. I'm constantly filled with insecurities and I need to be constantly reminded that i'm loved. My imagination goes wild and i start feeling insecure. I'm sorry for being this way. I tried, I have tried shutting the fuck up on every damn thing. I don't ask anything much from you, i don't expect gifts on annis nor any surprises or whatever a girl wants, whatever i used to want. When i first met you i never would have imagined that i would have such strong feelings for you. I have no idea why, why you. Why i can't forget you and accept someone else no matter how hard i try. I just find myself falling in love with you over and over again. You've been the greatest source of my pain since June and you have also been the well of my bliss and every other word out there to describe the happiness that i felt when we are together. Deep down, part of me hope i don't lose you. you're the only person i can be myself with, the only person i can be comfortably with and say whatever i want knowing you wouldn't say it out. The only person i have loved so deeply in my entire life. However another part of me just feel like giving everything up. I'm just so exhauseted by all the shit that's happening. It's too much for me to handle. If you want to be mad, go on. I was sincere when i apologised. But instead you made a joke out of it and shouting at me without knowing how much it'd hurt. I can't be bothered anymore. I'm just too tired of everything. I don't know what's best for us anymore, i don't know if this relationship is going to take us anywhere. I don't know how to restore this broken relationship of ours anymore. Maybe it's time to let it go, maybe your chapter in my story has ended. If there's a need, I will be the bad guy. I know i have my flaws, i know i'm not the best you can find. I'm sorry for all that is to be sorry for. Lastly i miss you.